E.S. New Guy

so i went over to his house Wednesday and we watched the movie This Is The End. it was pretty funny but weird at the same time. his dog trooper sat in between us throughout the entire movie. he drove me home and on the ride home he was singing to the song Knock Knock by mac miller. he was actually pretty good. i just adore his voice its so comforting.

It's time.

I finally think its time to shut S out of my life. I just told people before that I stopped talking to him to get them of my back even though I still was talking to him. I've been talking to him today even. The things we talked about made me really think and realize I can do a lot better than him and I deserve better. I thought I wanted the same things he wanted but really we want two totally different things. I wanna settle down and get into a relationship while he just wants a girl to fuck and get action whenever he wants. He needs to know that you don't always get what you want. I've come to realize you have to work for what you want because if you don't you never know if it can happen or not. So I'm finally pushing him away and out of my life cause I don't need him. He made me miserable and I just dot need that again. JB fixed that. Now I'm gonna follow what I want because I know exactly what I want

My new goal

I love him and will do anything if not everything to get him back. I'm gonna push myself to the limit to get him to listen to how I feel about him. He will understand. JB I'm gonna get you <3

JB part 2....

so yeah i said i still loved him and i really meant it. I always said i will love him forever and always and he will be in my life forever.
:'(
but its time to move on and let go of him. thats something i thought i could never do since i tried it before but it never worked.but i have no choice this time i have to. its whats best for me. i cant stand the feeling of being hurt by him anymore or being upset about him and crying. that shouldnt happen. if someone cared about you for real then you shouldnt cry right? thats what i thought. im just not gonna talk to him for a long long long while. i need to forget all the feelings i have for him. and as much as i love him it all has to fade away. how can you forget someone you love so much. i know he doesnt feel the same even though i wish he did. i'll be waiting for you whenever your ready to show me you want me.


"It's painful to say goodbye to someone you don't want to let go...but more painful to ask someone to stay when you know they want to leave.."

I love You but Goodbye.

i've been talking to this guy

he is planning on meeting up with me wednesday. its the first time we are hanging out. im a tad bit nervous. i really like him, my friend hates him. i want it to go well, but i kinda think its gonna be really awkward. he wants me to tackle him, but i think hes gonna end up on top of me for 1 hes a guy and 2 he was on the wrestling team....so yeah im definitely going to lose. i told him i was gonna kiss him to prove to him that he's cute and not ugly. he thinks he's ugly even though i keep saying he isnt and that he's absolutely cute. my friend thinks hes ugly as she thought my ex was ugly. guess what i have a different taste than she does.

What i wanna text this person

i wanna text them and say...

"can i ask you a serious question?"
why do you have to be so cute?(;
its impossible to not like you

New crush.

i like this new person. the only thing is. there a girl. im a girl. guess you could call me bi. shes actually the first girl i like who i talk to. she called me cute. im asking her to my schools homecoming bonfire next week. i think it will be really cool if she could come.

Heres what i think

k- he can go screw a tree. he crossed the line big time. like i cant even believe he could do what he did. i never want to talk to him again. that is how pissed of i am at him.

jb- he makes absolutely no sense. so last night he texts me and were talking then he says  "talking to my hopefully soon to be gf"......was he talking about me or someone else.?... if hes talking about someone else then why did he want me to come over last weekend and why does he want me to come over this weekend.

Heres to the new girl

My ex?
oh......

you can so fucking have him.

The Truth

I wish he knew how I really felt. I still love him and always will. He may not have treated me the best, but i knew there was a part of him that always did care about me. None of my friends like him. They all think he is a jerk and an ass. I thought and still think he is sweet at times. Im not gonna lie i do really miss him. I hung out with his friend and he found out so hes kinda mad at me now. I wish he would forgive me and just talk to me again. I know he has to miss me. I know we will eventually talk again considering its only September and we got all school year.

its gonna be 2 weeks sunday since we broke up

he broke up with me for no reason he just made up a reason

bye.

I love you but i shouldn't.

Im just done.
No point in trying anymore.
No point in talking to you.
No point in life when your miserable and depressed all the time.
Theres no point in anything.
So bye.

sorry

Im sorry that i couldn't be the girl you wanted. Im sorry that i actually tried to make it work. Im sorry that i actually care about you. Im just sorry. You see how miserable i am. How much i cry over you.

Thanks for Nothing.

Thank you for wasting a month and 2 weeks on a game. I actually thought we were dating. For you to let it go on for this long is fucking screwed up dude. Like its not even cool. I hate that I trusted you and you just through the trust out the door. You acted like having my trust meant nothing to you, which pisses me off. I would have at least liked to know sooner that I was being played so I wouldn't have done things with you. You used me to get what you wanted. I was stupid enough to give you what you wanted, when I shouldn't have. Yesterday I believed everything you said to me. Even when you said we were and are dating. Now It's got me thinking because as soon as you gave me all good answers to my questions, we did things. I was stupid not to see sooner that you just told me good answers to get what you wanted. Then when I say happy birthday to you today, you don't even have the nerve to say thank you or anything. Once you get what you want you act like a total JERK. That pisses me off. I am just so done, I don't even care if you try and tell me that you care for me. If you would've cared for me, then you would not be telling people you are single and saying to your friends you PLAYED me.

I love you.
You're just not worth fighting for anymore.
I try to be nice and you're a jerk.
I'm just done trying.
You wasted my time.
I don't need you.
I was born without you.
So I think I can live without you.

Bye.

Todays my boyfriends birthday!

so yesterday me and him hungout. he got his birthday present and said he loved it. we had a fun time. i just didnt like it when he kept taking my phone. but other than that it was fun. i loved it when we touched noses and kissed. its so cute. i think we are a cute couple.

I trust him

i asked him a few questions and he answered them. he even read me some of the texts between him and his ex that proved she was lying. i told him i trusted him.

i found my liars!!

his ex and his friend. his ex has been trying to get back together with him this whole time when she has a boyfriend. his friend just said shit because he likes me. they are a bunch of liars. his ex is the psychotic according to him.

Made a tumblr to go along with these issues

check it out
follow me (:

Theundefined0.tumblr.com

flashback

dear bf if you are,

remember when you called my on july 8th and said "i can have any girl, like if i wanted to date you i could, which i'll talk about when i get there". what happened to that ^?
dont you remember saying that because i remember it clear as day. thats the day you asked me out. That was the happiest day i have had in a while. why would you say something like that if you didnt mean it.

True.

You said 

"I Love You"

I said it too.

The only difference is

I didn't lie to you.

ok lets figure out who is the liar

suspect #1- His ex
suspect #2- His friend
suspect #3- That emily chick
suspect #4- my bf if he even is

suspect #1- His ex

• has been telling me whats normal and not normal with him
• wishing me luck with him
• tells me stuff she heard from emily

suspect #2- His friend

• he likes me
• said that my bf(idk) flat out said "im playing her"
• my bf told him about pics
• went through my bfs phone

suspect #3- That emily chick

• shes friends with his ex
• claims my bf has been tryna get with her all summer
• she used to date my bf

suspect #4- my bf if he even is

• says he hasnt dated his ex since mid-terms
• says were dating
• says he loves me
• hasnt talked to me in a couple days

Question is- whos the liar?

Did you really play me from day one?

remember how you asked me out. then before you left my house you asked "are we gonna last this time" i said yes. were you being serious because i was? I care about you, so please just please tell me that everyone is lying and you really meant all that you said.

WHY ARE YOU ACTING THE WAY YOU ARE ACTING???
JUST WHY?

You kept asking and making sure we were dating so why just why are people saying that you say your single and we arent dating? tell me please

The Missing Red Flag!

Me and him have been involved for 5 weeks. Surely there has to be a red flag that it was all a game.... But there isnt. i have looked at everything he texted me and thought of all phone calls and everything said in person. THERE IS NO RED FLAG. I feel like something is wrong, and if there is there has to be a red flag somewhere. Unless i missed the red flag i cant find it. It doesnt exist.

WHAT DO I DO??

His friends side of the story.

His friend has been talking to me and he told me that he went through his phone and that (lets call him my unknown bf) deleted the pics. Now that i think about it if his friend went through his phone he probably looked at the texts messages.... EMILY GRACE. I gotta ask him if she was on his phone or if he talked about her because if so my unknown bf's ex was telling the honest truth. That would be pretty fucked up if she was. The good thing will be if her name isnt on his phone. cause then i will know my unknown bf was telling the truth. If  this girl exists in my unknown bf's life he was really playing me.

SOMEBODY STILL ISNT TELLING THE TRUTH. His friend said that the day me me and my best friend were over at my unknown bf's house he told him that he was playing me. His friend said "why do you think he didnt care i was all over you". Now that im thinking at night my unknown bf said "so hows (his friend)" i said "what do you mean" he said "your texting him" "so have him". He was getting mad because i was talking to his friend.  now why would he get mad unless he was jealous or something.

story...

I feel like the relationship was real at first and then it just turned fake. I think he was keeping it real because i kept giving him what he wanted, which i know was a bad idea. I did it anyways. Weeks one and two he texted me first and things were good then he just stopped texting me and stopped asking to meet up at night. Idk i feel like hes cheating but he may not be. You see its weird for someone who asked for the same thing for a whole week then goes 3 weeks without asking for it. Yea thats weird. Well i hope we really are dating and its not all a joke. Like why would he keep it going on for this long. Its been officially 5 weeks since he asked me out. I keep saying this relationship is real because of the way he asked me out. They way he asked me out was a one of a kind way to ask someone out. It couldn't have gotten any sweeter. When he called me that one day and said he loved me he said it like he really meant it.. so why do i feel like now he is using me or playing me. His one friend who likes me told me that he flat out said he was playing me. I couldn't believe it when he told me. Then i did some research and it says when a guy begins to be more distant and mean hes probably playing you. Sad thing is that he has been distant and turned into a big jerk. I really hope when i go over to his town he responds to my texts messages and lets me come over. I also hope he says we are dating because i really like him and care about him. I dont wanna lose him. I forgave him for what his ex said to me which was he was dating her when he was supposedly dating me.

Wednesday August 14.....

Im trying my best to get to his town which is 15 minutes away on wednesday so i can talk to him. I need to ask him a lot of questions and i need truthful answers. No more lies better come out of his mouth. I texted him last night hoping he would text me back, but nope he didnt so thats 4 days since we last talked. We dont even have long conversations anymore like all it is, is i say hey and he says hey. No response after that. Well anyways if his mom works wednesday i need to get over there. Thing is my friend who would come with might be working which wont be good. I need to know if we are actually dating and whats up with how he's acting. Im so confused because his ex tells me one thing and he tells me another. I really dont even know if hes my boyfriend considering he told one of his friends he was playing me.

what a great relationship this is....not

2 of his friends told me that he told them that he was playing me and just using me to get what he wanted. I feel like a freaking idiot for not noticing this sooner. That girl his ex who i have been talking to was telling me the truth the entire time when i thought she lying. it turns out he was the one lying this whole time. I put all my trust into him and he abused that trust. I actually liked him this time we dated and i cared for him. I wanna know if he ever cared or ever liked me. He hurt me to the point where im crying because i gave him so much and got nothing in return. everytime i tried being nice to him i never got the same back. he was always an ass. there were times he wasnt and actually was nice. it breaks my heart to know that he let it go on like this for a month. a damn month. he led me to believe we were dating for a month when really he was just playing with my emotions the whole time. i cant believe he could do something so low like this. i should have known something was up when every time someone asked if he was in a relationship he said he was single. he kept asking "r we still dating" on phone, in person even through text. he is one pretty damn good liar. the way he asked me out felt so real. he kept calling me babe, he said he missed me. the thing that really makes me mad is he said he loved me. you dont say you love someone unless you really do and he sure the hell didnt. why me like why. what did i ever do to him....nothing absolutely nothing. back in december he was doing anything for me do date him, he said the most sweetest things he said he would never hurt me or make me upset and he would always be there for me. He didnt do anything wrong during that 4 days we dated because i broke up with him. i dont even know why i broke up with him i just did. and back in january and months after that he was trying so hard to go out with me. he was always trying different things to make me date him. i just didnt see it then, and i joked around with my friend. I joked around with him too. it wasnt nice and he got mad at times, but that didnt stop him from trying. then back in june like on june 7th me and my bestfriend went to the park and he was there. that day was the first time for a while since i talked to him in person. that was only two months ago. that day made me realize that i really like him. me and him were walking on the railroad tracks holding hands, it was cute. we hugged many times. then i chased him around cuz he put my sunglasses on and i was trying to get them back. it was a really fun day. then we held hands and just walked around town. He wanted to kiss me, but i said no so we just hugged. That day made me realize a lot of things. After that day me and him started talking a lot more, it made me happy. Then july came around and he asked me out in such a sweet way. I thought that this chance may not come again, so without thinking i just said yes. that was the happiest day ever. the first week he texted me like everyday and always said "Hey babe". seems legit dont it, yeah i thought so to. Week two comes and hes acting sweet some days then rude other days. Week three arrives and he doesnt text me first anymore so i have to. that week july 24 i went over to his house and he asked "do you still wanna be with me" i said yes then we kissed. i felt like everything was ok. that day was pretty fun. then week 4 one month comes and he doesnt text me at all, so i do. He half the time doesnt even text me back. I feel distant and i feel like he doesnt care.

question is....Was it real at first and just faded? or Was it never real?

lets see if i can answer what your wondering

1. you wonder if you made the right choice....
   A: you picked a girl who cares enough about you who probably would always forgive you.
2. you wonder if you are doing the right thing....
   A: you are so not doing the right thing. you need to talk to me more considering i am your girlfriend.
3. you wonder if you can make me happier....
   A: you sure can make me much happier by showing me you really care about me.
4. you wonder if i am happy....
   A: in the first 2 weeks of us dating i was really happy but now i have no feelings.
5. you wonder if you could care for me more....
   A: heck yea you really need to care for me more. right now i feel as if you think im invisible.
6. you wonder all these things, but take no actions to them. so whats the point in wondering?
   A: if you are wondering all of these things why not take a chance and express them and just see what happens.

lets answer some questions shall we

1) you tell me you love me...but do you mean it?
A: i think you say it because you know it makes me happy to hear it. but do you mean it i think not.
2) you tell me you miss me...but do you really?

A: i think you dont really miss me and that you only miss the things i did for you.
3)you tell me you wanna hang...but is that only for sex?

A: the only times you wanna hang out with me are at night when you have to sneak out so nobody knows where your going. so my answer is yes.
5)you tell me all this stuff...but are you thinking about my feelings?

A: i think you only think about yourself and nobody else. i really dont think you care about my feelings because when im sad you dont even ask whats wrong.
6)you tell me you wanna date me...but is this just because i give you what you want?

A: i think you really do wanna date me, but half the reason why you want to is because i give you what you want.

7) you tell me you wanna go on a double date...but do you really?
A: i think you were just saying you do because everytime i ask you, theres always some reason why you cant go.

happy one month to me since you dont care

well im gonna write this to you. I love how when i say happy one month to you its like you dont care cause you dont say anything back. well yea so here i am on our one month sitting at home alone sad wondering what the hell to do. then i think of everything thats going on and i realized one big thing.
you tell me you love me...but do you mean it?
you tell me you miss me...but do you really?
you tell me you wanna hang...but is that only for sex?
you tell me all this stuff...but are you thinking about my feelings?
you tell me you wanna date me...but is this just because i give you what you want?

you ask me if i will date you....i say yes.
you ask me if we will last....i say yes.
you ask me if i love you....i say yes.
you ask me if i wanna do this and that....i say yes.
do you know why i say yes....
i say it because i know it will make you happy.

you wonder if you made the right choice....
you wonder if you are doing the right thing....
you wonder if you can make me happier....
you wonder if i am happy....
you wonder if you could care for me more....
you wonder all these things, but take no actions to them. so whats the point in wondering?

well happy one month.

One Month Anniversary Tomorrow

We started dating July 8th and tomorrow is August 8th im excited. I just wanna text him and say happy one month babe because im so happy.

So his birthdays coming up

august 18th to be exact, so next sunday. I got him something from the beach, but now i have to think about his birthday. I was gonna put on a show for him...yea yea ik not a good idea considering all thats going on. I didnt really wanna buy him anything tho. I have had the night planned for about 2 weeks now. Im not sure what im going to do though since hes kinda being a jerk right now. i havent had a full convo with him since july 27th but we exchanged heys after that. Its pretty upsetting. At first he was caring and sweet. Even tho he isnt showing that anymore i still love him

Hugs from you

i love your hugs. If i could i would hug you all day long. we could cuddle up on the couch and just lay there. Your hugs make me feel safe and they put a smile on my face. I wish we could always hug. haha weird ik. but i still love ya

You Have Helped Mend My Broken Heart

my heart has been broken since february and i didnt think it could ever be fixed. With you in my life now makes me happy even tho you like every now and then you still make me happy. Just seeing you makes me smile. I dont know how you do it, but you have the power to mend my heart. thank you for that

Time to talk about relationships

so we've been dating a month TOMORROW! His ex has been talking to me for a while and i actually like talking to her because we both talk a lot about him. I love the kid even tho he did lie to me. His ex says that he's all caring and sweet then when he gets what he wants he turns into a jerk which is somewhat true. I'm happy that I am dating him again because I actually like him this time that i am dating him. The last time i dated him i didnt really like him. He doesn't like to be in serious relationships which is true. He wants to be able to talk to other girls and do other stuff i guess. He tells people that he is single even tho he isnt. I used to feel it was because he really didnt like me or didnt want anyone to know we were dating. I still dont know.

aww

July 24, 2013

Dude omg yesterday was so much freaking fun. So me and my friend decided to walk to his house. He was weirded out at first, but then we were talking. He said that him and that other girl hadn't been dating since midterms. So she was the lier in this one. Anyways then he wanted me to come inside and talk to me alone. So I did and my friend just sat outside. So I went in we both sat on the couch. I wasn't sitting like really close to him. then he pulled me closer and said "so whats up" I said idk. He said "do you still wanna be with me" I said yea. Then he said "well theres your answer then". Then we kissed. It was cool. But then he started to tickle me and I hate it when people tickle me because I like start moving all over the place. I'm very ticklish. It's cute though when he tickles me haha. We all were hanging out for like 4 hours. I thought it was pretty fun, but my best didn't like it I don't think.

Hey Buddy

Welp so I have been dating him for 2 weeks 3 days. We fighted just once during that time because of this girl who kept making shit up. She was really annoying. I'm happy we are still dating. I just wanna know that I can trust him.

I Trust You.

You need to understand that when I say I trust you it means you haven't lied to me and I believe in you. Once I say I trust you, if you break that trust it may be impossible to gain it back. The week in a half that we have dated I feel in my heart that I can trust you. I need you to promise me one thing and that is that you will not jeopardize that trust. Will you? Because without trust we are nothing.The meaning of trust....let me explain it for you trust is what allows us to have a true relationship, without it we cannot converse without wondering whether the person speaks truthfully. You would be unable to believe what one another is saying. Think of a trust fall, you have to believe in your partner and have faith that they will catch you and not let you fall. Do you understand the meaning of trust now? I hope so. Well now you know what it means.
I've known you for a year, we dated back in December and now again in July. I really want this relationship to last long...don't you?
I've been a wreck since February because of a heartbreak. Once we started talking again you actually made me feel like my heart might heal. Then when you asked me out....I felt happy. Like I actually felt happy, which I haven't felt for 5 months.I want to thank you for that. Talking to you puts a smile on my face.

I wish you could read this and understand what I am trying to say.
Welp. Bye.

Missing Him

I've been dating him for 1 week 5 days and out of all those days I saw him once. Kinda sad aint it? Well I think so. I miss seeing him. Yea we may text every other day, but we don't talk on phone or anything like that. It makes me sad that the only way to see my boyfriend is if I walk to his house. Its almost a 2 hour walk tho. I have no ride to get to his house. It all just sucks. The thing I'm really looking forward to is once school starts I can walk to his house whenever because he lives right by the school. To be exact its a 11 minute walk. Thats way better than a 2 hour walk. I just gotta wait 5 more weeks till school starts and I will be able to see him everyday.

New Status

In a Relationship

So I've been in a relationship since Monday. I thought this guy was sweet and caring and just nice. Turns out he likes to be an ass. Ok thats messed up of me saying it, but its true. Me and my bestfriend think that he only wants sex....Which I'm beginning to think thats true. I gave him something before he asked me out (on the same day tho), something I can't take back. The way he asked me out was just so sweet. It's unforgettable. I can't even hang out with my own boyfriend because he lives in a different town. The only way for us to hang is if I walk. It takes 15 minutes to drive there and takes 1 hour 58 minutes to walk. He doesn't even act like he wants to hang with me. Sad thing is we have only been dating for 6 days and 5 of those days he has asked for sex. I'm not quite sure if thats normal for a guy, but I just wish he'd give it a break. I hope my friends right when she says "I'm sure he likes you for you"....If he doesn't broken hearted once again. I can't go through that again.